Now we know

Austin’s blood work came back today and it’s for sure, he has down syndrome. I tried to remain optimistic through all of this. I have to admit, I had a feeling. Call it my mother’s intuition, but I just knew.

Ryan and I do not have down syndrome in our families. Sometimes things like this just happen.

We won’t know how mild or severe it is until he’s older. There isn’t a test that tells you if it’s mild, moderate or severe…it just tells you that the extra chromosome is there. Before we knew for sure, we had a doctor tell us he probably has a mild case. We had another doctor tell us he looked "fine." Then, we had another doctor tell us she thought there was a 60% chance he had down syndrome.

I’m thankful that all of his organs are healthy. He’s thriving.

I just hurt…for him. He’s going to face so many challenges. All I want to do is protect him.

I don’t understand God. However, I know with all my heart that Austin is exactly what God meant for us to have and he’s such a blessing. The minute I found out I was pregnant with him, I loved him. I made the choice to love him and I love him for exactly who he is.

The fact that my son has down syndrome doesn’t change how Ryan or I feel about him. That’s why I didn’t get the amnio in the first place. The risk wasn't worth it to me. It’s just a hard thing to take in…I have so many thoughts and emotions racing through my head.

Tonight was filled with tears from Ryan and I...but now it's time to be strong. I need educate myself.

The doctor wants to see us at 9:00 A.M tomorrow morning. Austin’s thyroid needs to be tested because that’s a common complication in babies/children with downs. Heart defects are another common complication. HOWEVER, the specialist said his heart looked perfect at 20 weeks. All of the doctors that have listened to his heart have said it sounds great. We are still going to a pediatric cardiologist, just to make sure all is well.

More tomorrow.