Thursday, October 21, 2010

31 for 21, Day 21

It's hard to believe that in a few short days my baby will be 8 months old. Where has the time gone? I can still remember when Austin's pediatrician called and gave us the results of his karyotype in March. I knew immediately when I heard her voice on the other end that this was not going to be the news we were hoping for. Truthfully, I knew Austin had Down syndrome the minute he opened his eyes and looked into mine.

When my quad test came back as high risk for Down syndrome, I was worried how Ryan would react...would he still want our baby, even though there was a risk for Down syndrome? I felt like someone had stolen the joy and excitement of my pregnancy. I had a lot of thoughts...would I want to hold Austin? Would I want to share pictures of him? Ryan was incredibly supportive and we agreed that Down syndrome or not...Austin was meant to be ours and we would love him wholeheartedly. I now realize my feelings were completely normal. They seem irrational now that he's here.

It irritates me when people say,"you and your husband are so special because you were given a child with special needs." OR "You're so strong, I don't know if I would've been able to continue with the pregnancy." We are not special or extraordinary. We are normal people who didn't let a diagnosis change how much we love our son. Isn't that the definition of a parent? Unconditional love. I continued my pregnancy not knowing if my child had Down syndrome or not. Termination was never an option. I still can't understand why 90% of all babies diagnosed with Down syndrome prenatally are aborted. What would I say to Austin in Heaven when he asked me why I chose to end his life before he took his first breath? I'm thankful I'll never have to answer that question. Im not trying to be judgmental.I just wish these mothers were more informed about Down syndrome before choosing to terminate.

This post was all over the place tonight. Forgive me if the layout or font look a little off, I'm on my iPad.


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