Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Austin saw the Pediatric Cardiologist today. My sweet baby did so well during the EKG and sonogram. I was so proud of him. The sonogram did show that he has a hole in his heart. “A medium sized hole” - as the doctor put it. She said we will monitor it and if it doesn’t close on its own by the time he’s 2 years old, they will go in and close it. Yes, that means my baby would have to have surgery on his heart. That terrifies me. At the same time, God has given me peace. I feel like he has prepared me to deal with this.
Those who know me best know that I don’t do well under pressure. When bad things happen, I normally can’t handle it. I freak out. I can’t deal.
God has given me strength to deal with Austin’s diagnosis. I don’t dwell over it. I remember being in the hospital and having a pediatrician come in my room with a serious look on her face. I could tell she pitied me. She was less than tactful. Perhaps she was speaking from a strictly medical standpoint, but there was no compassion. I informed her that Down syndrome ISN’T a death sentence. Normally, I would have cried and felt so overwhelmed…not knowing what to do. God prepared me, even in the early days.
I often stare at Austin as he sleeps. He is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Doctors will tell you that some of his “features” are imperfect due to Down syndrome. “ He’ll have delays. Defects. He’ll never do this. He’ll never do that…“ What doctors don’t tell you is the joy and happiness that extra chromosome brings to your life. When I look at Austin, I don’t see Down syndrome. I see a beautiful baby with a mellow and sweet personality. I see big blue eyes that follow me around the room. I love listening to him “test out” his voice. His little sounds are so cute. It’s hilarious to watch him go for his bottle and pacifier like a perona. Yes, he happens to have 47 chromosomes instead of 46. That extra chromosome does not equal imperfection. It’s beautiful. It’s given me so much more than it’s taken. If I were given the choice to choose a child without a disability , I would choose Austin every time. I love how he’s defying the odds. He’s doing so many things the “books” have said he won’t, at least not yet. I’m not saying he won’t struggle. I know there will be struggles, but I think we’ll have more victories than struggles.