Thursday, April 15, 2010

Don't be sorry because I'M NOT!

I went to my doctor for my 6 (really 7) week check up this week. I informed her that Austin does, in fact, have Down syndrome. I saw her about a week ½ after my C-Section, but we didn’t know the results of the Karyotype test yet. My doctor is very compassionate by nature. Naturally, she told me she was “sorry” and said that she’s sure he’ll bring me many blessings. I replied to her that he already has! I could tell she felt sorry for me and as much as I don’t like that, I know her heart was in the right place. I will always be thankful to Dr. C for delivering my precious baby safely.

As much as hearing “I’m sorry” bothers me, I have to remind myself that some people just aren’t aware of all the advances that have been made regarding Down syndrome. Some people just don’t know what to say! Down syndrome has so many stereotypes and it isn’t what it was 20 years ago. I’m confident that my son will continue to thrive. He WILL do everything that other kids do. It might take him a little longer to do certain things and it might not…but HE WILL do them.

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”
- Hebrews 11:1

If you’re a new parent and have a child with Down syndrome, I would like to encourage you to purchase the book Babies with Down Syndrome: A New Parents' Guide. It sounds like one of those “encyclopedia “ type books, but NOT! I’ve gotten so much out it. It gives you information from birth to age 5. It’s definitely a great resource to have! Just a thought ;-)

I’ll leave you with this beautiful poem by Emily Perl Kingsley. I’m sure a lot of you have read it before, but it never gets old. The words speak so true.

by: Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.


  1. He sure will thrive and do it all (especially with a mommy like you). What a great attitude you have. So happy to have come across your blog.....looking forward to sharing this wonderful journey with you and that sweet little boy of yours.......ADORABLE:) Congratulations and welcome!!!!

  2. Great post!!! When I sent out the email to our friends and family regarding Sutter's diagnosis the only thing I asked was for them not to feel sorry for us. we had blessed with a healthy beautiful baby boy who would go on to do BIG things! The future is bright for all of our little ones, I just know it!

  3. I love your attitude - it really is inspirational! You are an amazing mom! Can't wait to come check out the new digs and see that handsome little man of yours!

  4. very nice post:) it's so true, i really feel people just don't know what to say. i would like to tell the one that say sorry right off the bat... you don't have to be, there is nothing to be sorry for. i have shared with people that i feel a little sorry for the familys that don't get to enjoy holland and italy:) so just like your doing... enjoy:)

  5. Hello....I just saw your name on my blog as a follower and thought I would come over and say hello. Your son is precious!! I can't wait to read more. Two things hit me immediately from this most recent post of yours. First of all, I just had a conversation with someone I met the other day who has a 5 year old daughter with Ds. I was telling her that I still haven't figure out what to say to someone who just finds out their child has Ds. Because I want to be sooo excited for them because I know how much I love my little Ella and wouldn't trade her for the world. But I also know how hard it is to deal with at first so don't want to discount their feelings. This gal gave me some great advice about what to say. She said to tell them "I am sorry that you are having to deal with these feelings right now, but I am really excited about your future"....or something along those lines. I thought that was good. Secondly, I have that Hebrews verse framed in my bathroom and just this morning, I read it!!! And then I see it on your blog. I guess I need a reminder to "Have Faith". Nice to meet you!!

  6. I just saw that you are in the Dallas area....we used to live there too. Please email me, I would love to chat more